Have you ever been judged because of the way you decided to raise your child? Has a grandparent ever tried to pressure you that you’re a bad mom for letting your child cry? Does your sister not understand why you need to have an early bedtime? If you’ve ever felt judged or criticized for the way that you handle your child’s sleep, this blog is for you.
And I’m here to stand beside you today to give you 5 tips on how we can handle being in situations where you may feel a little judged because of what you decided to do on your child’s sleep.
I completely understand that not every person watching my channel, not every person watching my video agrees with my sleep philosophy. I mean, you can just look at the YouTube comments to see. Some people are blatantly against and some people are passionately for.
And hey, that’s the beauty of our world!
We can all have different opinions and we can all exist in the same space. And we could all agree to disagree. But I believe you should never, ever, ever be judged.
You should never be told you’re a bad mom.
You should never feel inadequate for the decisions you’ve made for your child’s sleep.
Believe me, I’ve heard the gamut of things that people have told them. I’ve been on the video calls with families while the grandparents are screaming at me in the background, like I get it.
I’m here to help you get through a holiday season or deal with the online space that seems to attack you anytime you share your opinion on an early bedtime. I’m here to help you through this.
There are five tips that I wanna share with you today. And some of these are going to actually require some homework. So grab a piece of paper, grab a pen, and let’s get started on tip number one.
Tip number one is you need to know why it is that you do what you do.
Maybe it wasn’t that long ago you sleep trained your child. Maybe you worked with a sleep consultant. Maybe you did an online course like our baby sleepy coaching plan. Maybe you read a book, whatever you did, whatever plan, whatever method that you did, write it down.
And I also want you to kind of just take a note.
Do you remember what things were like before?
Do you remember waking up five, six times a night to nurse your little one?
Do you remember bouncing on a yoga ball, trying to get them to go to sleep?
Write it down because that’s the old way.
That’s what used to happen.
And then you did something about it.
You took the matter into your own hands and you changed it for the better.
Now, write down what’s happening.
Write down what is going on in your family sleep right now. You need to know what you do before you go into a situation where you feel blindsided and like, “Why am I being judged for this?”
You need to be able to stand firm in your decision. This is something that I love about our E-coaching programs.
I have parents tell all the time how confident they become as parents, because they understand their little one. And that’s the point! Whatever method, whatever program you decide to use, you should be confident in why you decided to do that.
You should feel like you can explain it to other people.
So be prepared to do that by writing it down.
Know what you do and rock it.
Find a buddy!! Now this may be someone who you heard about our E-coaching program with. Maybe they told you, “Hey, you’ve got to do Becca’s program.” Maybe this is a neighbor who you guys talk about your child’s sleep all the time and you’re on the same page.
Find someone with your same sleep philosophy that you can text, that you can have in your pocket, literally.
So that if you are at a family dinner and aunt so-and-so decides to throw a shade at your child’s nap time, and says “Do they really have to go nap right now? We’re in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner!”
If they do that, you can just excuse yourself, go to the bathroom and be like, “Oh man, this is really difficult.” Find a buddy!
It’s always helpful to find that accountability.
We want to make sure we’re building each other up though, like tearing other people down. So when you find your buddy, just have them remind you of step one.
Remember, don’t listen to that, because remember that your child does a great nap and…
You have the time and the space to run your business.
You have the time and the space to get yourself ready for the rest of what the day brings.
You have the time and space to take your own nap because you’re exhausted, because you have multiple children…
Having that person that gets you is priceless!!!
If you feel like you DON’T have that person, hop on into The Sleep Society! There are hundreds of other parents who feel the same as you inside our members only Facebook Group!
Tip number three is to know when to bite your tongue and know when to share. One of my favorite quotes by Amy Poehler is, I love when she says, “Good for her, not for me.”
That is a filter that we should use in motherhood, right?!
Because there are so many things that we can agree with, disagree with, feeling different on, feel strongly about, feel strongly against, all the things. So in sleep it’s super polarizing. Like I said, check our YouTube comments!!
You can see people who are all against sleep training and having any type of sleep schedule. And you’re going to have people who are so passionate about it that they’ve made it a career, like me.
So I want you to know, when do you talk about this and when you just like shut it down.
If your sister has a new baby and they’re openly telling you how tired they are and they really want help, obviously tell them about what you’ve done. Tell them about your experience.
But if your sister is telling you about how exhausted they are and there’s a history there where they’ve never listened to things, and maybe this is the time to just be that listening ear.
That’s not always the time to share how wonderful your baby sleeps, and this is what we did, because sometimes people are just in a space where they just need to vent.
You see, even in sleep training you have to sometimes hit rock bottom. Which I hate that that’s a thing!
But sometimes people just have to vent it out, hit rock bottom, then be like, “Oh yeah, I need to call my sister. She told me about something a long time ago and I need to do that.”
So put the filter, “Good for her, not for me,”
you could have a cousin who is on the opposite end of the sleep spectrum. Maybe they are all about co-sleeping and you are definitely not. And you know, like, “You know what, I’m just not even gonna talk about this because we don’t even need to go there.” I just need you to know that it’s not always appropriate to share how wonderful your child sleeps or to share
My fourth tip is to not expect perfection. Sleep is a process, it’s complex. In fact, sleep training itself is not a one and done!
That’s the whole reason the Sleep Society exists. This is our membership on how to help you keep sleep a thing, every single month something new is happening, seasonally or age or developmentally or something.
You can’t expect to have a perfect sleeper.
So when you do go to holiday events, when you are traveling, when you’re around people who are going to criticize you, I wouldn’t set the stage up as if it’s all going to be perfectly perfect in every say.,
You may ever everything like normal, but then your child decides…to not be a robot!
They may decide to wake up 30 minutes early. But instead of freaking out and being embarrassed in front of family (who expect the baby to sleep perfectly)…
You are going to have the confidence because you’re not expecting perfection from your child!
Keeping your cool and knowing that you may need to go with the flow will really make an impression on family!
My fifth step is my favorite one! I encourage you to not go into your family gathering expecting to change every one of their minds or inspire them to become sleep consultants because YOU are so passionate about what you do.
I want you to be confident and I want you to be proud of what you do.
You know what you do, you know why you do it, you have friends who are partners to help you, and you’re going with the flow …. it’s all good!
But don’t go in to a criticizing situation and feel like it’s your job to change their mind.
Because your job is not to change the world. Your job is to love your child. And that is the premise of why we’re even doing this.
I’m so sorry if YOU were personally attacked or criticized for how you raise your child.
I want you to know that the love that you show your little one by offering these routines, by giving them the sleep that they need, by enjoying them, by being with them, by playing with them, by snuggling them, by loving them. That’s what shows, that’s the difference.
You’re not making a difference by trying to change someone’s situation and change their mind.
You’re making the difference by giving that love and pouring love on your child because of everything, because of everything you’re doing for them.
I get that family gatherings can be stressful when there are a lot of opinions! It’s stressful to be surrounded by people at gatherings, family events, even social events where they do not understand why you do what you do. Trust me, even my own people around me don’t understand.
But you know what? My kids are happy, healthy, and well rested. So I’m rocking it and it’s great. And I’m living a happy, healthy, well-rested life because of that, and I know you are too.
Remember these tips to enjoy a gathering instead of feeling like you have to be on guard:
I would love to know what’s a situation you’ve recently been in. Because I would like to apply and kind of help you through that, help you work through that, because nobody has the power to call you a bad parent.
Nobody has the authority to tell you that what you’re doing is not right for your child. If you are here and you’re interested in learning about sleep, like you’re in the right place!
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